110+ Funny 70th Birthday Wishes and Quotes

Turning 70 is a major birthday. But getting older can be difficult for some.

If it’s someone you knows 70th birthday then you can bring a bit of joy and laughter to the day with a funny message. It doesn’t have to be much but poking some fun at them or a clever joke about ageing can give them a laugh on their big day.

So use these funny 70th birthday wishes that are perfect for cards, texts or simply to say in person.

General Funny Wishes

These funny wishes are perfect for anyone’s 70th birthday.

• Happy 70th Birthday! Don’t worry, if you haven’t grown up by now, it’s safe to say you probably won’t.
• You’re not 70. You’re 18, with 52 years of experience! Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday! You’re not old, you’re a classic.
• Now that you’re 70 it’s time to be frugal with your energy. Happy Birthday! Remember, napping is not being lazy, it’s therapeutic.
• Congratulations on turning 21 for the third time! Happy Birthday!
• You know you’re 70 when you have more candles on your cake than breaths to blow them out. Happy Birthday!
• At 70 it’s no longer a matter of staying up late but managing to stay awake during dinner. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday! Remember, 70 is just 13 in Scrabble.
• You’re 70 today. Feel free to wine if you want!
• At 70 you’ve got the heart of a 20-year-old and the knees of a 90-year-old. Happy Birthday!

Age is Just a Number

Use these hilarious messages to focus on their age and how turning 70 is no more than another number.

• Happy 70th! The good thing about 70 is that it’s too big a number to count on your fingers and toes.
• You’re not 70, you’re 69.95 plus tax. Happy Birthday!
• Congratulations on reaching Level 70! Gameplay might be slower, but it’s still fun. Happy Birthday!
• At 70, the mind runs like a Ferrari… it just takes longer to get the engine started. Happy Birthday!
• You’ve finally reached the age when ‘happy hour’ is a nap! Happy 70th Birthday!
• You’re 70? Better take that cake outdoors to light the candles! Have a blazing birthday!
• Don’t think of it as turning 70. Think of it as turning 21 in Celsius. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday! May your Facebook wall be filled with messages from people you never talk to.
• You’re not old, you’re retro. Happy 70th Birthday!
• Welcome to 70! The age when happy hour is a nap, and a workout is walking to the mailbox. Happy Birthday!

Funny Words of Wisdom

Wish them a happy birthday with these funny messages about getting older and wiser.

• At 70, remember: You’re not old, you’re seasoned! Happy Birthday!
• 70 is the new 50, only with more benefits! Happy Birthday!
• Congratulations! You’ve made it to 70 without Google or Wikipedia. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th! Remember, things get better with age so you’re approaching magnificent.
• You’re not just 70. You’re a classic, and classics never go out of style. Happy Birthday!
• By 70, you’ve mastered the art of dodging debates and ignoring nonsense. Well done! Happy Birthday!
• Happy Birthday! At 70, you no longer worry about peer pressure, just peer ability.
• Happy 70th Birthday! You’re too young to be this old.
• Remember, 70 years ago, you couldn’t even spell your name. Now you’re expected to remember it! Happy Birthday!
• You’ve turned 70? Keep smiling — it makes people wonder what you’re up to. Happy Birthday!

Still Young at Heart

They may be getting older but probably still feel young at heart. Use these messages to have a laugh about it.

• Happy 70th Birthday! Who says you’re getting older? You’re just getting closer to death. Cheer up, it’s another milestone!
• Just like fine wine, you get more valuable with age. Or in your case, funnier! Happy 70th!
• 70? Just the right age to do outrageous things discreetly! Happy Birthday!
• Remember, you’re not 70. You’re 69 + 1. Happy Birthday!
• Happy Birthday! At 70, you’re still playing with a full deck. You just shuffle slower.
• Now that you’re 70, you can still do all the things you used to do. Just not as fast and only once. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday! Time to start acting like the teenager you never were.
• 70 years old? That’s not old. That’s vintage and some high-quality vintage at that! Happy Birthday!
• You’re not 70. You’re 18 with 52 years of experience and bonuses. Happy Birthday!
• At 70, if you haven’t grown up by now, you don’t have to! Happy Birthday!

Clever One Liners

A quick one liner is a great way to wish someone a happy 70th birthday.

• You’re 70! It’s time to start your morning with Metamucil and a cocktail of multivitamins. Happy Birthday!
• 70 is the perfect age to do whatever you want and then blame it on the age. Happy Birthday!
• Remember, 70 years old means only 25 years until your first century! Keep going!
• Happy 70th Birthday! Welcome to the age where it’s no longer a compliment to be told you look well.
• At 70, you’re seasoned enough to tell it like it is, and hold no regrets. Happy Birthday!
• You know you’re 70 when your back goes out more often than you do. Happy Birthday!
• Happy Birthday! At 70, you’ve earned the right to be forgetful, grumpy, and a bit eccentric.
• Welcome to 70, where every birthday feels like a software update. Keep rebooting!
• Happy Birthday! At 70, you’re not old, you’re a classic, and classics are priceless.
• Congratulations on turning 70. Now you can wear anything, say anything, and even forget things, and all it’s adorable! Happy Birthday!

Funny Messages for Brother

• Happy 70th Birthday, Brother! Don’t worry, those aren’t gray hairs you see. They’re wisdom highlights!
• To my brother who’s 70: You’re now officially too old to die young. Happy Birthday!
• Happy Birthday, Bro! You’re not 70. You’re 21 with 49 years of experience!
• Congratulations on your 70th lap around the sun. Now slow down, will you? Happy Birthday!
• Brother, at 70, remember you’re only as old as you feel. So, how about 50 with 20 years of wisdom? Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday, Brother! Here’s to another decade of rivaling the teens with your video game skills!
• You’re 70 today! If you were a dog, you’d be… actually, let’s not go there. Happy Birthday, Brother!
• To my adventurous brother: May your 70s bring you new roads to explore and old stories to retell. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday! You’ve got seven decades of evidence that mischief and fun never age.
• You’re the only 70-year-old I know who can still pull off the mischiefs of a 20-year-old. Never change, Happy Birthday!

Funny Wishes for Sister

• Happy 70th Birthday, Sister! You’ve been bossing me around for decades—here’s to many more!
• 70 years of being fabulous! Keep showing us how it’s done, sis. Happy Birthday!
• To my sister, who occasionally still acts like she’s 7 instead of 70. Don’t ever change. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday! Here’s to more years of being not just my sister, but my forever confidante and friend.
• You’re not getting older, sister, just more distinguished! Happy 70th Birthday to a true classic!
• Happy Birthday, Sister! May your 70s be sprinkled with fun and frosted with love.
• For your 70th, let’s do something we always loved in our childhood—napping! Happy Birthday, Sis!
• Happy Birthday to my sister who proves style and sass have no age limit. Rock those 70 years!
• Sis, you’re like a fine wine, complicated and gets better with age. Cheers to your 70th!
• On your 70th Birthday, remember that age is only a number that reflects your years of amazingness. Happy Birthday, Sister!

Funny Quotes for Mom

• Happy 70th Birthday, Mom! You’ve been like a mother to me!
• To the woman who’s turned nagging into an art form. Here’s to more masterpieces in your 70s. Happy Birthday!
• 70? Just a number, Mom. But the number of times you’ve made me feel loved? Infinite. Happy Birthday!
• Happy Birthday, Mom! May your coffee be strong and your spa days be long!
• Here’s to a woman who’s been 30 with 40 years of youth experience. Happy 70th, Mom!
• Mom, on your 70th birthday, let’s make a deal. You keep being fabulous, and I’ll keep making you proud. Happy Birthday!
• At 70, you’re still rocking that glitter like a teenager, Mom. Never dull your sparkle. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday, Mom! May your day be as bright and lovely as your garden after the rain.
• Cheers to 70 years, Mom! You’ve officially earned your PhD in Overcaring and Wisdom. Happy Birthday!
• Mom, you’ve mastered the art of being 70 with the spirit of a 20-year-old. Keep the young vibes flowing! Happy Birthday!

Funny Sayings for Dad

• Happy 70th Birthday, Dad! Who says you’re getting older? Just yesterday, you didn’t act a day over 12.
• To the Dad with 70 years of wit, wisdom, and still no hair out of place! Happy Birthday!
• 70 years, and you’ve finally reached peak ‘Dad Joke’ level. Here’s to many more groans and eye rolls. Happy Birthday, Dad!
• Happy Birthday, Dad! Thanks for the genes that gave me my sense of humor. I promise to continue embarrassing you with it.
• You might be 70, but you party like you’re 21. Slow down, Dad. We can’t keep up! Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday, Dad! Let’s toast to the many years you’ve spent teaching me priceless life lessons…like how to hold the flashlight for you.
• Dad, at 70, your favorite kind of cake is a nap. Let’s celebrate accordingly. Happy Birthday!
• For your 70th, let’s revisit all those amazing places we’ve been together: the couch, the TV, the fridge… Happy Birthday, Dad!
• Happy 70th Birthday, Dad! Remember, you’re not losing your hair; it’s just moving to better real estate—your ears and nose.
• At 70, you’ve still got it, Dad. I just don’t know where you put it. Happy Birthday!

Funny Birthday Wishes for Grandfather

• Happy 70th Birthday, Grandpa! To the man who has everything… except his original teeth.
• To the coolest Pop around on his 70th: Your moves might be slower, but your wit’s as fast as ever. Happy Birthday!
• Happy Birthday, Grandpa! At 70, your body says ‘no,’ but your mind still says ‘like you’re 20.’
• 70 looks good on you, Grandpa, but then again, you’ve had plenty of practice looking good. Happy Birthday!
• Grandpa, on your 70th, remember, you’re not old, you’re a classic, and classics are priceless. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday to a man who is young enough to misbehave but old enough to know better. Cheers, Grandpa!
• Grandpa, you’ve reached an age where your back goes out more than you do. Happy 70th Birthday!
• To my Grandfather on his 70th: You’re not old, you’re a recycled teenager. Happy Birthday!
• Happy Birthday, Grandpa! You’re 70 now, so let’s party like it’s 1929!
• Grandpa, your 70th birthday is a huge milestone…almost as big as your morning pillbox. Happy Birthday!

Funny Birthday Messages for Grandmother

• Happy 70th Birthday, Grandma! Proof that angels don’t always have wings and sometimes prefer knitting.
• To the woman who has spoiled me more than rotten bananas. Happy 70th Birthday, Grandma!
• 70 and fabulous! That’s you, Grandma. Keep setting the bar high for all of us. Happy Birthday!
• Grandma, you’ve been sweet and spicy for seven decades now! Here’s to more flavor in your life. Happy Birthday!
• You might be 70, Grandma, but you still got it! And by ‘it,’ I mean the knack for feeding everyone in sight. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday, Grandma! You bake better, you hug better, and you joke better. You’re just better at life!
• Happy Birthday, Grandma! You’re 70 now, and you’ve officially spent more time in garden centers than the garden plants.
• Grandma, at 70, you’re still the life of the party, even if the party ends by 8 pm. Happy Birthday!
• Happy 70th Birthday! Grandma, thanks for passing on your recipes and your rebellious spirit!
• Grandma, on your birthday, let’s promise to keep making memories. You remember things, and I’ll remember passwords. Happy 70th!