Funny birthday messages – the best way to give a cheap present? Well you know what they say: laughter is the greatest gift.
Making someone laugh on their birthday is a fantastic thing to do. If you get the opportunity to do so, you’d want to grab that chance. Including a hilarious quote in a birthday card is the perfect way to do this, be it being sent to a friend or family member.
And as most birthday messages are usually pretty boring, a funny birthday wish could be just what the doctor ordered.
So use some of the crazy birthday wishes below in your card or in person and start someone’s birthday with a smile!
The last thing you want to do is offend someone on their big day. So keep in mind the type of person your message is for. If they’re the sensitive type or you don’t know them that well then it might be best to stick to a regular message.
Funny Birthday Quotes
- Happy birthday, you’re not getting older you’re just a little closer to death.
- To the nation’s best kept secret; your true age
- Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest!
- Money’s tight
Times are hard
Here’s you friggin birthday card - Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
- You always have such fun birthdays; you should have one every year.
- So many candles… so little cake.
- Happy birthday to a person who is smart, good looking, and funny and reminds me a lot of myself.
- We know we’re getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
- Happy birthday on your very special day, I hope that you don’t die before you eat your cake.
- Stop counting the candles and start thinking about your wishes.
- You’re a hard person to shop for, so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday.
- Wishing you many more candles and a cake big enough to fit them all on.
- You’re another year older and another year wiser. So put your brain to work and figure out there ain’t no gift for you.
- Some words of wisdom for your birthday, “Smile while you still have teeth!” Happy birthday you old fart.
- You would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you.
- Another year, another new place that aches.
- One more year of existence down the drain. Happy birthday!
- The only reason you hate your birthday is because people give you odd gifts, scary cards with weird messages in them, and because you’re getting older. Anyway, happy birthday!
- It’s ok to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I’ve already alerted the fire department.
- With age comes wisdom. (You’re one of the wisest people I know!)
- I was trying to think of what to get you for your birthday but nothing came to mind. So.. enjoy!
Funny Quotes
- Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe
- Is it weird that we’re all cheering at regular intervals as your life runs out? Either way, hooray!
- It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer
- As you get older, three things happen. The first thing is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two
- Just remember the more candles on the cake, the bigger the cake you’ll get! Now who’s laughing?
- Birthdays are like cheese. They stink more the older they get
Funny Birthday Sayings
- Happy Uterus Independence Day
- I hope you have a wonderful Umbilical Bungee Anniversary
- Happy Womb Emigration Day
- What do you always get on your birthday? Another year older!
- You’re a really hard individual to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!
- Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!
- Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays
Sarcastic Birthday Wishes
If the birthday boy or girl doesn’t mind some sarcasm then these messages will be right up their street.
- Oh look, it’s the yearly celebration of you slowly decaying away. Enjoy!
- Wow, you actually made it through another year. We’re all so impressed.
- Happy Birthday! I’m so glad I remembered (thanks, Facebook)
- Oh look, another year, another reason to pretend we’re all excited about cake
- Happy Birthday to someone who’s almost as amazing as they think they are!
- Happy Birthday! It’s another year of being awesome… well, according to you anyway
Short and Sweet Funny Messages
Sometimes less is more. These are quick and simple one liners that are still hilarious even when short.
- Age is a high price to pay for maturity
- Happy Level Up Day!
- Congrats on being less old than you will be next year!
- You’re not old, you’re vintage!
- Happy Birthday! You’re one year closer to wearing your pants up to your armpits
- Cheers to another trip around the sun without major injuries!
- Happy Birthday! May your hair remain where it’s supposed to be
Funny Wishes About Getting Older
Getting older is inevitable, sadly, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a laugh about it! These messages focus on the “joys” of aging.
- You know you’re getting old when your back goes out more than you do
- Happy Birthday! You’re now at the age where your brain goes “let’s do something fun!” and your body goes “let’s take a nap”
- Congratulations! You’ve reached that age where you can hurt yourself just from sleeping.
- Happy Birthday! Remember when we used to stay up all night? Now we can’t even stay up until the news
- Happy Birthday! Welcome to the age where “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot
For Friends
Whether it’s your best friend or just someone you know quite well, you’re going to want to wish them a happy birthday. With friends you can have a bit more fun – a sarcastic birthday message is perfect for some gentle ribbing.
- Great job on another year of not dying! Next year will be harder!
- You’re not that old! ..for a tree
- Two tips on your birthday – Forget the past, you can’t change it. Forget the present, I didn’t get you one!
- I didn’t get you anything, mainly because I thought you’d be dead before now
- Happy Birthday! I absolutely would have remembered without Facebook reminding me
For Mom
The best way to show your mom you really care? Wish her happy birthday with a really hilarious saying or quote! She’ll definitely appreciate it (or not, depending on how savage it is!).
- Smart, good looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday mom!
- Don’t think of it as getting older mom, think of it as becoming a classic
- Happy Birthday, mom! You keep looking young, and I’ll keep refusing to tell people how old you really are. Fair?
- For your birthday, I wanted to get you something to remind you of your youth, but they were sold out of cave art and dinosaur bones
- Relax mum, bingo is the new rock ‘n’ roll!
For Dad
Your dad can take a joke, right? Then these messages are ideal for having some fun on his birthday.
- Rounding to the nearest 100.. you are now 100! Happy birthday dad!
- Happy [number] Birthday! It’s better to be over the hill than buried under it!
- Happy Birthday pop! As people get older they tend to forget things more easily. So please do remember to put me in your will
- Enjoy your day dad! And if anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!
- You’re older. You’re wiser. You’re sophisticated. You’re far too mature to be concerned with material things like presents. Which is good because I forgot to get you one!
For Your Sister
Our sisters are special. But they usually know all our secrets so you better make sure your birthday message is good! A funny message will remind her why you’re her favorite sibling (even if you’re not).
- Happy Birthday sis! Thanks for being older than me and so making me look young by comparison
- Happy Birthday! I was going to give you an amazing present but I figured you’ve already stolen it from my room anyway
- Congrats on being my sister for another year. I know it’s been tough, but you’re handling it well
- Happy Birthday to my sister! Remember, age is just a number. In your case it’s a really high one!
- Sis, don’t think of it as being old, just retro!
For Your Brother
Brothers can handle you being pretty brutal, right? These funny birthday messages are perfect for keeping him humble on his special day.
- Happy Birthday bro! You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think “not now”
- Congratulations on being one year closer to becoming the old guy who yells at kids to get off his lawn
- Happy Birthday! I would have gotten you a gift, but you still haven’t returned the stuff you borrowed from me
- Brother, you’re not getting older, you’re just increasing in value… like a vintage car that doesn’t run anymore
- Happy Birthday! Thanks for being born so mom and dad could practice before they had me
For Coworkers
Keep it professional… but funny! These birthday messages are great for the office and won’t cross any lines.
- Happy Birthday! Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone how old you really are. HR already has that information anyway
- Congratulations on surviving another year in this office. That deserves more than just cake!
- Happy Birthday! May your day be filled with fewer emails and more cake
- Another year older, another year of pretending to look busy when the boss walks by. Happy Birthday!
- Happy Birthday! Remember, you’re not old, you’re just well-seasoned… like that leftover lunch in the office fridge
For Your Wife
Your wife has a sense of humor, right? These messages get close to the line between funny and sweet – so just right for making her smile without getting you in any real trouble!
- Happy Birthday to my beautiful wife! You don’t look a day over [insert age minus 10]
- Happy Birthday! I love you more than I did yesterday. Mainly because you’re more desperate now
- To my wife on her birthday: Age is just a number, and jail is just a room. Wait, that came out wrong. Happy Birthday!
- Happy Birthday! I was going to make you a cake, but then I remembered why you married me – it wasn’t for my cooking
- You’re not getting older, you’re just becoming more of a limited edition. Happy Birthday sweetheart!
For Your Husband
Husbands can take a joke, especially from their loving wife! These funny messages will make him laugh while reminding him he’s getting older.
- Happy Birthday to my husband! You’re like a fine wine – you get better with age, and you give me a headache
- Happy Birthday! I’d get you something nice, but then I remembered I already gave you me
- Congrats on another year of me putting up with you! That’s the real achievement here
- Happy Birthday honey! Don’t worry about getting older. You’re still going to do dumb stuff, just slower
- Happy Birthday to the man who still makes my heart skip a beat. Actually, that might just be palpitations. Either way, love you!
Well that’s it. We hope you enjoyed our selection of funny birthday wishes and have found just the right message to really put a smile on someone’s face.
Sally Gibson is the founder of Someone Sent you a Greeting, a holiday/celebration website. Sally’s writing work has been mentioned in Woman’s World, Yahoo, Women’s Health, MSN and more. If you have any questions get in contact with one of the team via the about page.