Funny love quotes and sayings

Funny Love Quotes and Sayings

Love can be a serious, often difficult thing. We usually see it in terms of romance or heartbreak. But it also has moments of real humour, wit and hilarity. A sense of humour is always one of the most sought after qualities in a partner, so having a joke and a laugh whilst in love is essential. Who doesn’t love playfully teasing their partner? And a good way to poke fun at a loved one is using some funny love quotes. They send up love, relationships and marriage better than anything else. They’re also perfect to include in cards to your partner or significant other, maybe for an anniversary or even Valentine’s Day.

So take a look through the funny I love you quotes and sayings, for both him and her, and use them for whatever you feel best.

Funny Love Quotes

This selection of funny quotes about love come from some the funniest comedians and celebrities. You can use them in cards for a loved one or even on social media like Facebook or Twitter. Enjoy them and have a laugh!

Funny love quotes and sayings

“Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery

“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” – Cathy Carlyle

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” – Russell Brand

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni​​

“Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” – Woody Allen

“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.” – Richard Pryor

“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” – Unknown

“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” – David Sedaris​

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck

“You wanna know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.” – Anonymous

“We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.” – Anonymous

“Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.” – Anonymous

“I love you forever… but I can’t live that long.” – Anonymous

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, “he loves me!” And he thought, “wow this sidewalk is icy!” – Anonymous

“Bart! With ten thousand dollars, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like… love!” – Homer Simpson

“Do butterflies feel humans in their stomach when they’re in love?” – Anonymous

“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” – Fran Lebowitz

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

“Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce

“I love you no matter what you do, but do you really have to do so much of it.” – Jean illsley Clarke

Funny love quotes and sayings

“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” – Natasha Leggero

“My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny

“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; If you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” – Miles Davis

“Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbours ain’t.” – Anonymous

“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis

Funny love quotes and sayings

Funny Sayings About Love

These clever and witty sayings about love are perfect for quoting or writing in a card. They sum up the contradictions, nuances and pitfalls we put ourselves through for it, all whilst making us smile.

  • When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • Love is like playing bridge, if you don’t have a good partner, it’s good to at least have a good hand.
  • My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.
  • Humans have 206 bones in their bodies. Spare the heart, break the bones instead!
  • It is important to see the real character of the person you will marry first before sealing the deal. How? Give him a slow internet service. They say that lag brings out the real you.
  • ’I love you’ is a dangerous word. It takes less than a second to say, hours to explain and a lifetime to attest.
  • Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.
  • Funny love quotes and sayings

  • I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me
  • I love you with all my butt. I would say heart by my butt is bigger
  • Forget the butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I’m with you!
  • I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole!
  • You can’t buy love but you can pay heavily for it
  • You hold my heart in your hands. So don’t clap!
  • Love is not having to hold your farts in anymore!
  • He stole my heart so I’m planning revenge.. I’m going to take his last name!
  • Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
  • I love you like Sheldon loves his spot
  • All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!
  • Love at first sight is cured by the second look.
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
  • You are the cause why my eyeglasses fog.
  • I love you like fat kid loves cake

Funny love quotes and sayings

Funny Love Quotes for Him

Teasing and gently making fun of your significant other is a great part of most relationships. So use these quotes to playfully have a joke with your partner.

  • You stole my heart. But I’ll let you keep it!
  • Let’s cuddle.. so I can steal your body heat
  • Besides chocolate your my favorite
  • “As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” – Ralphie May
  • The best way to find out what to get for your girl? Ask her to guess the gift you bought for her.
  • You add meaning to my life and yet, you subtract some cash from my wallet.
  • “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” – Chris Rock
  • “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” – Billy Crystal
  • “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen
  • “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde
  • “I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” – David Bissonette
  • “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?” – Barbra Streisand
  • “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld
  • “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” – Chris Rock
  • “My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.” – Ray Romano
  • “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Phillip
  • “My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” – Henry Youngman

Funny love quotes and sayings

Funny Love Quotes for Her

  • Marry someone of your own age. So when your beauty fades, so does his eyesight.
  • Heartbreak is one great way to lose a lot of your unwanted weight. You won’t eat for days, pour your energy on making your ex regret for leaving you and thus, spend your time on the gym.
  • I want someone who will pause his game just to answer my call.
  • “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on” – Joan Rivers
  • I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
  • Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
  • “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason
  • “An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie
  • “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller
  • “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft

Funny love quotes and sayings

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