45 Soccer Puns to Laugh about the Beautiful Game

A huge list of soccer puns for parties, jokes, Instagram captions and other social media

Soccer, or football as it’s known outside of the US, is the worlds most popular sport. The intensity, rivalry and skill involved makes it a gripping sport to watch and tons of fun to play. And it’s not without its laughs too. The gallows humour and self deprecation that accompanies following your favourite team is all part and parcel of the enjoyment. You accept that when you’re winning it’s great, but when you’re losing you’re going to be the target of many soccer related jokes.

So if you want to give a friend a ribbing over his team losing, maybe add a funny caption to an Instagram or social media post, or just enjoy a laugh about soccer in general then have a look at this huge list of funny sayings about soccer.

Player Name Puns

These play on famous player names are perfect for your fantasy football team.

  • The Wizard of Ozil
  • Neuer Gonna Give You up
  • Balotelli-Tubbies
  • Egg Fried Reus
  • Blink-1 Eto’o
  • Pjanic at the Disco
  • One Flew Over Lukaku’s Nest
  • Dukes of Hazard
  • Obi-Wan Iwobi
  • You Petr Cech Yourself
  • Giroud Let the Dogs out?
  • Pique-boo!
  • Murder on Zidane’s floor
  • Who Ate All Depays?
  • Kroos Control

Short Soccer Puns

Put these short soccer puns on Instagram or social media and share with the world your amazing soccer knowledge and pun-nage skills!

  • Heading to the top
  • It’s good to have goals
  • What soccer players need: a good kick in the grass!
  • The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well
  • Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score
  • Where do soccer players dance? At a soccer ball
  • Why are soccer players excellent at math? They know how to use their heads
  • What tea do footballers drink? Penal-tea
  • Kicking and running while looking stunning
  • Why is a football pitch always so wet? Because the players dribble a lot
  • What lights up a football stadium? A football match
  • Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals
  • Get your kicks
  • Why did the soccer ball quit the team? He was tired of being kicked around
  • The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper
  • What’s a soccer fan’s favorite lotion brand? Olay, olay, olay, olay

Soccer Jokes

Have a laugh with these hilarious soccer jokes.

  • The difference between a tea bag and [team you don’t like] is that the former stays in the cup longer!
  • What ship has never arrived in the ports of Liverpool? The Premiership.
  • What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee!
  • Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra? It has no cups and very little support.
  • How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they just sit around talking about how good the old one was
  • What do Chelsea and US Navy have in common? They both spent 50mil on a sub
  • How many City supporters does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them!
  • What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill
  • What is the difference between an Liverpool supporter and a baby? The baby will stop whining after a while
  • Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Football team? Because she kept running away from the ball
  • Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar? All of them, crossbars can’t jump
  • Why are swimmers good at soccer? Because they dive a lot
  • What does a Dutchman do when he’s won the soccer world cup? He turns off the game console and goes to sleep
  • Why did the Eskimo quit the soccer team? I guess he just wasn’t inuit

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